Day Five: twenty one pilots

So on this sleepy Saturday, I am going to talk a little about my diagnosis and twenty one pilots. I saw them at a panic!at the disco concert in august and was unsure how I felt. I liked the song Car Radio and House of Gold was fine, but I had never really been into rap before so I was still torn. My friend bought their CD and lent it to me. I was obsessed. My sister soon grew tired of me listening to them, but I couldn't get enough. I needed them. They understood my depression and more in ways my friends and family just couldn't.

And then I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was shocked. I had gone in to talk about my joint issues and asked if the pain could cause . she gave me some tests and said I was bipolar. I went to the specialist and she agreed, taking in some anxiety issues as well. Needless to say, I was angry and scared, mostly scared. I was scared of treatment. I was scared of becoming a different person. I was scared I didn't know myself. That CD became so much more important to me. "Am I the only one i know/waging my wars behind my face and above my throat/shadows will scream that I'm alone/but I know we've made it this far, kid." That line helped me find the ability to ask for help. I wanted to get better. I was tired of wanting to die or sleep or of my mood swings.  I wanted to be better. So I agreed to try medication.

I don't advocate it for everyone. And I definitely don't to think that their music tells people to go on pills, but it has worked for me when counseling did not . The mix of their understanding and my doctor's use of low doses of mood stabilizers has balanced me, and I feel much better.

I want to write them a thank you card. I bought one, and I hope that I will be able to write something to them. I will always be stronger when I listen to their music. They helped me save myself. And for that, I will always be grateful.